Getting Started.....

Wow, you know I always wanted to get started keeping a journal and finally I think I might do it this year- honestly I am the "see how it goes" and "ask me last minute" type of girl but why not give it a try. I have had a dream to talk to the world about my daughter, in fact during our annual Buddy Walk this will help others to read about the kids and what they have been doing all year! I'll start by expressing how much I miss Kya, she was our family dog after we gave Gino away and I became so attached to her beautiful coated body and her playful self. I miss looking in the back yard especially when it snowed and watching her bounce around like a little deer. I miss her so much, it breaks my heart to even say her name out loud or hear another dog barking. I wish I knew what happened to her, maybe it would put my mind at ease. I feel so guilty about these last few months, all she wanted to do is come in and jump on the bed, clean the food off the floor and then go back out- but I have been so busy and so has Anthony, I know she knows we love her, I know she does. She was smart and beautiful, gosh how I wish I could hold her one last time! I knew 2010 was going to turn out better, when God closes a door he opens another- So far 2010 has started with tears of joy hearing not just a woman who has been my best friend for 17 years but basically my sister from another family- is pregnant. She is so special to me and to know she is going to experience the most wonderful gift God could gives us, really has made my year! I can't wait for Payton to mother yet another child like she does Brayden, lol- well I would like to say Payton is motherly type, that is yet to come- she is still trying to get past being jealous of the little booger and for awhile I was thinking she prayed at night to wake up and him be gone, however sometimes she smiles her little smile- smiles so deep her eyes aren't even open and giggles at Brayden. It is so crazy to see the two interact, Brayden is really everything I thought Payton would have been with her disability- he has been sick, two ear infections, two diagnosis of bronchitis already and switching him to soy saved my ear drums! Payton, she was the happiest and the sweetest little baby, so calm and content, loved to play with you, but she knew chores had to get done so she was independent too. She is so very healthy and I think my poor little handsome boy has been sicker than she has in his 4 months on earth than she has in 2 years- so insane. Yesterday, after being super mom and taking them both for shots all by myself, hehehehe, I treated my self to a huge diet dr pepper from my one and only sonic and enjoyed Brayden napping in my arms and Payton across my lap. I began to cry- how lucky could I have been- how blessed and what did I do so great to deserve this happiness???? Those two are amazing! When Payton was born I literally thought I would never love another child like I do her and yes I do have to admit- there is a very special love for her I think we (my family) all have that no other child gets, but man oh man my heart does crazy things for my babies!!! And it is really crazy how much I love the chaos, and my poor husband will tell you I complain- but at the end of the night and look at the toys spread across the room and take one last peek at Payton (9 out of 10 times she has fallen asleep with her legs hanging out the crib- too cute) I go to bed thanking God for all this wonderful chaos and only hoping he will bless me with more down the road. More Kids, more responsibility- whatever it is I know I can handle!!